YOUR MOST PERSONAL FRIEND
As important as a professional relationship is to the change process, a personal relationship with a loved one can be the make or break point in sustainable lifestyle changes. If you work on making all of these life changing habits with a fitness professional, but you don’t have the support at home, it’s going to be very difficult to move into sustainable lifestyle changes. Professional and personal helping relationships work hand in hand in getting the best results possible.
Let’s take for example a husband and wife relationship. The husband decides he wants to get healthy, lose weight and get in great physical condition. Without the husband and wife working together on meal planning, having discussions on where to dine out and how to carve out time for movement, it’s going to make it very difficult to make lasting changes.
Even more important is the emotional support that is needed to make these difficult behavior changes. It’s critical for the significant other to provide compassion, empathy and being non-judgmental in this change process. Any negativity, resistant attitudes or poor communication in a personal relationship can sabotage any efforts that a person is making with a fitness professional.
Let’s examine the dynamics of a personal relationship through this lifestyle change process. Ideally in a perfect world both people in the relationship make a decision together that they want to move towards deep health in all areas of their life. They have made a decision that they are going to work together in a supportive and compassionate environment to make the necessary changes to live the life that God created them to live by taking care of the temple.
WHY CHRISTIANS CALL THE BODY ‘THE TEMPLE’
The definition of temple is: A building [space] devoted to worship regarded as the dwelling place of God. The mindset is that God intends for no place to be more sacred than our body. He authors that close level of relationship with us and we are to likewise to recognize, understand and esteem our bodies. It is described in the Bible as created with dignity, sacred and valuable to God. We live in a physical body and through faith find completeness in Christ Jesus.
But often times this isn’t the case. One person in the relationship decides that they are ready for some lifestyle changes, while the other person is still resistant. What are the expectations, fears, attitudes and needs of both people in the relationship? Let’s look at three ways lifestyle changes can affect a personal relationship.
1. FEELINGS OF FEAR: When one person in the relationship decides that they want to make a lifestyle change and the other person isn’t ready, it can bring up a whole host of feelings. The non-changing significant other or the person pursuing change can have feelings of fear. This fear may come from losing the life that they are accustomed to. They may not be able to enjoy the same foods they shared together or one person may want to go to the gym while the other one prefers to sit at home and watch TV. There may also be feelings of fear that they may lose the other person because of all of the efforts that the person is making in becoming healthy and losing weight. There is a fear that once this person changes, they may not love them anymore.
2. FEELINGS OF GUILT: Often times we project our own feelings about ourselves on to others. A significant other may try and make you feel guilty for spending time at the gym or make you feel guilty about not wanting to enjoy a pizza together any more. This may be a projection of their own guilt of not taking care of their health or not wanting to make the necessary changes in their life that they know they need to make. They may try to sabotage your efforts to decrease their level of guilt they are feeling themselves.
3. FEELINGS OF CONDESCENSION: When one partner changes and starts to get healthy and lose weight, it is easy for that person to start to look down on the other person and judge them for not changing along with them. Feelings of pride come into play. It’s easy to judge another person, especially when you have overcome your own bad habits. It’s important to realize at this point that you can’t make other people change and that everyone is on their own journey.
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