To say I was struggling when this picture was taken is a massive understatement. People often ask me how I capture images in the gym because they know I lift alone, usually with the lights off and the doors locked. The “secret” is I usually put my phone where I need it, set it to video and screen shot later from the recorded footage. After my lift this day, I sat in my office going through the footage. Out of ALL the training film, this is the ONLY picture I kept. Why? I’m not really sure. Maybe so I could share this with you in this writing – in this very moment.
This picture captures a moment when I was reaching for dumbbells to do a set of curls and I became stuck. I was frozen. I was paralyzed. What in the world could stop a man in his tracks and when he looks up in a mirror, make his vision so cloudy the ONLY thing he sees is a weak little boy? What is it?
Well…. On January 31, 2005 my wife Amy and I had twins. They were born three months early – Aleck weighing 1 lb 2 ounces, Emma Grace weighing 1 lb 11 ounces. The ups and downs, the set-backs and MIRACLES during our three months in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) have made me the man, the father I am today. Those three months were the toughest days of my life – yet I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I’m telling you this because as strong as these days made me, I still become paralyzed from time to time when the memories unexpectedly flood my mind.
Do you ever feel paralyzed?
A few years ago, I had another moment in the gym when I was hit with NICU twin flashbacks. As usual, it happened right in the middle of my lifting – playing scenes of my twins fighting for their lives in the NICU in my mind as clear as a movie being shown on the biggest of biggest IMAX screens. The pictures flood me with emotion…and I cry. Sometimes I can continue to lift and often I am stronger than normal during these flashback “movies”. Sometimes I become frozen like the day captured in the above picture.
This day though – I wasn’t in MY gym. I wasn’t alone in the dark behind locked doors. I was on vacation in a big gym full of exercisers. So, in the middle of East Shore Athletic Club in Charleston, SC, I finished a set of shoulder presses and sat down. With my headphones in, my head down, hands on my bald head, elbows on my knees, I sat and began to cry. With tears dripping on the floor, I saw visions of needles, beeping machines, breathing tubes, feeding lines, my children struggling and fighting to live. I could so clearly see my wife Amy with eyes closed and tears on her cheeks praying in the hospital cafeteria.
The old man patted my back 4 times.
He said not one word. Not one.
Suddenly, I felt a hand on my back. I looked up and into the mirror in front of me. I saw an African-American man with a full head of white hair who looked to be about 90 years old. His wrinkled hand rested on my back. I pulled my headphones out of my ears fully expecting him to grill me with questions about the state I was in when he happened to stumble upon me collapsed in the floor. He looked at me and said nothing. The old man patted my back 4 times. He said not one word. Not one. He just patted me and shuffled away to a nearby treadmill. I put my headphones back into my ears and finished lifting.
As I drove back to Edisto Island and to my family, I heard this as clear as if it was coming through my radio: “You ARE NOT focused on the MIRACLE. Don’t you know you saw what you saw – struggled with what you struggled with – experienced ups, downs and pain – felt the very things back then that STILL make you cry TODAY – you went through all of that so you can experience the blessing of what you have now…when this happens to you, you ALWAYS see the pain and NEVER see the miracle.”
And this is the day I learned the lesson of what I call “The Miracle Perspective.”
A lesson I am happy to share with you all because I believe when applied, it will make all the difference in the world, especially for prayer warriors talking to God every day. Remember in the Bible when the paralyzed man had some of his crazy bold friends lower him through a hole in the roof because they couldn’t find a “normal” way to get him in front of Jesus? Do you remember the first thing Jesus said after seeing their faith?
“When Jesus saw their faith, he said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.”(Luke 5:20) He didn’t say “You’re healed. Go walk.” He said, “Your sins are forgiven.” It was after the Pharisees and teachers started thinking this was blasphemous that Jesus healed the man physically. “Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, “Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.”(Luke 5:22-24) The man got up and went home praising God! Then this happened: “Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, “We have seen remarkable things today.”(Luke 5:26)
Isn’t this incredible? The REAL miracle is forgiveness. We are forgiven if we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior! “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) I saw REAL miracles in the NICU, yet during flashback memories I would forget and focus on the pain. It took His voice clearly telling me that I “ALWAYS see the pain and NEVER see the miracle” to remember to live in wonder, amazement and awe because I HAVE seen remarkable things and been blessed with His miracle of grace and forgiveness. How often in our lives…in our prayers…do we focus on the affliction, the addiction, the pain, the hurt, the need, the want, the disease, the sin…instead of seeing the miracle of our forgiveness? How often do we become paralyzed, unable to function, unable to serve, unable to be who God designed us to be because all we see are obstacles and pain? Oh how much are we missing by focusing on the wrong things? Friends we are forgiven! What happened to our wonder, awe, amazement and praise!?
Take on the Miracle Perspective. Live in wonder, amazement and awe. We are forgiven!
Walk into your day and prayers knowing you have seen remarkable things! Be amazed! Be filled with awe! When we take on the “Miracle Perspective” – KNOWING and BELIEVING we have seen the greatest miracle of all, focusing on Jesus hanging on the cross spilling his blood for my sins…for your sins…suddenly that thing causing you so much pain, the feeling of not being able to take another thing or word thrown at you, the lack of strength to get up and get through the day, the brokenness, the feeling you can’t be fixed, the shame, the guilt, the feeling God isn’t listening or answering…ALL of that…gets put in the proper place – in proper perspective. We are forgiven!
To anyone struggling today, may you feel God’s arm around you. If you feel alone or that God is not close in this moment, I pray you know He may not be speaking, but He offers 4 silent pats on your back with promise of love and joy in the morning. For all of us – I pray we see the MIRACLE and not the pain as we go through today – and EVERY day after that.
“As you wait for things God has for you tomorrow, don’t forget that through Christ you have everything you need.”
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