Do you struggle to say no? Have you been here before? People have asked for help and you said yes. Now you feel overwhelmed. If you have worked in ministry or sports for any length of time you will at some point find yourself balancing what can seem like an overwhelming array of opportunities and commitments. People who work in teaching, coaching or ministry tend to show an innate desire to help others succeed which leads to saying ‘yes’ far more often than sometimes can be managed. It’s a path that can lead to burnout and a lack of satisfaction both at home and in this environment.
How do we manage this?
Early in my ministry as a pastor, and my coaching career, I learned how to navigate this with a framework that helped me say ‘no’ when the workload became too much and allowed me to find balance between service and self-care. In the past year, I have regularly had people want to join my training group. While I love their desire to grow as athletes, my group is full. The temptation is there to expand, to ‘help out’, but I have had to learn to say no. But it is still hard.
A grid for making choices
Here is a grid you can use to assess your commitments and opportunities. Think about it like evaluating the performance of an athlete or team, its crucial to evaluate the things you do to optimize your success at serving and maintain personal health.
An Absolute Yes
These are critical, game-changing commitments that align perfectly with your ministry, coaching or service philosophy and objectives
A Conditional Yes
These ones you are open to saying ‘yes’ but with certain conditions in place. For example, you may accept more responsibilities if they are moving your vision or mission forward.
A Definite No
Think of these as an unworkable tactic; these requests don’t align with your mission, vision or objectives. Politely declining these commitments, say no. This will free up time and energy for the work that truly matters.
“May your yes mean yes”
The bible has much to say on this subject. Jesus said “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” He reminds us to be definitive in what we say and then stick to it. Further, Paul reminds us “For all the promises of God find their Yes in him”. This is a great reminder when we feel overwhelmed. Look to God’s promises and then make your decision.
You can do it!
What do you think? Is this doable? Can you say no? If you find yourself struggling with number 2 or 3, my own experience has taught me that if you find it hard to say ‘go’ maybe you need to say it more often because if you never say ‘no’ then your ‘yes’ lacks meaning. Its important to understand that saying ‘no’ isn’t about missed opportunities. Rather, its about ensuring that every ‘yes’ contributes to your journey and also your longevity in whatever you are doing. We all have our limits; this helps us not blow through them. We who are also lifting others up need to remember our own well being. If you’ve ever flown you’ll remember the safety briefing: in case emergency, also put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others. This is not selfishness or unspiritual, it reminds us to prioritize our self-care and well-being which allows us then to become more effective at helping others. Finish well!
