You are seen. Though you pray no one sees you. Yet, you are tired of feeling invisible, so you try again this year. The cardio section is nestled discreetly in the back wall of the gym. The elliptical invites you like a workout buddy that can assist you with the movement. It’s one of the few pieces of equipment that you know how to use properly. You don’t want to hurt yourself. And you don’t want to look like you have no idea what you’re doing.
You’re hungry. You look at the clock. Has it really only been ten minutes? A weird sound takes your attention to the other side of the gym. You see a couple big meatheads doing heavy bicep curls. They grunt loudly before dropping the weights on the floor. Next to them is a small woman on a workout bench. You begin to watch her closely. She is holding a dumbbell that looks like it could be half her body weight. She holds it at her chest and does squats. She sets the weight down and wanders over to the dumbbell rack confidently. She grabs another dumbbell and brings it back to her bench, passing right by the meatheads who are now flexing in the mirror. She kneels on the bench and begins to row the dumbbell smoothly with elegant form.
THIS YEAR WILL BE DIFFERENT
You feel an urge to get off the elliptical. You told yourself this year would be different. After all, isn’t the definition of insanity trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results? You hear a low whisper:
Don’t go over there. Stay here in the cardio section where it’s safe.
But then a strong, calm voice chimes in.
Do not fear. You were made to be much more. Go.
You carefully get off the elliptical. You wander slowly over to the dumbbell rack. The restrooms are right beyond, so you consider continuing inside so you can hide. The beastly whisper returns:
You’ve cried in the gym restroom before. Why don’t you just do that again?
You feel your eyes begin to water until you hear the firm, but soothing voice:
Pick up the weight and see! See how you are fearfully and wonderfully made!
PICK UP THE WEIGHT AND SEE!
You listen. You start at the lighter end of the dumbbell rack. You decide to do squats just like the woman you saw earlier. To your surprise, the weight is light. Too light. You put it back and grab the next one down. You do squats again. The menacing whisper weakly returns:
You are going to get too big and look manly if you go too heavy. Stop at the first weight.
The reassuring, composed voice spoke louder:
Press on toward the goal. Remember that small woman with the heavy weight.
ALIVE
You continue down the rack until you find a weight that challenges you. You know it’s the right weight because it awakens all of your muscles and makes you feel alive.
You pause to look around to see if anyone is watching you. Everyone seems to be focused on their own exercises. Suddenly, the same petite woman you saw lifting heavy weight earlier comes up to you. You admired her posture as she stood confidently tall despite her small frame.
“Are you using this?” She points to a very large dumbbell on the floor.
You are flattered. She actually thinks you are strong enough to use the heavier weight. You shake your head with a lighthearted ‘no’. She smiles.
“Great, thanks.” She lifts the dumbbell effortlessly. “Your squats look really good by the way.” The woman turns and walks back toward her bench.
6 MONTHS LATER
You still use the elliptical, but as your warm-up. Between watching other women at the gym, YouTube tutorials and asking the trainers for tips, you’ve expanded your gym routine. Besides squats, you now know how to do one arm rows, shoulder presses, deadlifts, lunges and pull downs. You see the two meatheads who you know now on a first name basis, (Cody and Brian), and they wave hi to you every time you go to the gym.
You used to workout on just the elliptical, hoping it was enough. You used to think maybe if you punished yourself a little longer, pushed harder, ate less, you’d see progress. Now when you workout, time goes by too fast. Just one more exercise, one more set, one more rep. Now you eat to feel good more than look good. You aim for consistency over perfection. You press on with gratitude for your body’s miraculous ways.
The enemy will still try to whisper lies to you, but you find ways to prove him wrong. You no longer believe that everyone was watching you and making fun of you. That you weren’t athletic enough for anything except the elliptical. That weights would make you bigger. That you didn’t belong at the gym.
You began to listen to truth. The truth is that you shouldn’t worry about other people watching you or what other people think. The truth is I am watching you. You are my creation and you make Me full of joy. I knew you could do so much more than the elliptical. You discovered the truth that weights would make you strong, increase your metabolism, and lower your body fat. That you belonged at the gym as much as anyone else.
You still struggle occasionally with food noise or the temptation to punish yourself with too much exercise if you overeat. But you’re learning to turn to Me for help with these things. Lean on Me and not your own understanding.
