By Coki Cruz, My Journey and Journal to the Arnold’s
*This journal has multiple entries, please use the menu at the bottom to navigate between them*
5 days out: February 29th, 2020
TRAINING
I’m despising writing on a day like today. Today’s lift was absolutely trash. In true Coki like fashion, I bombed out every attempt I had and feel like utter poop. I really want to crawl back to bed and pretend today never happened. There is not much worse than failing every attempt that you want to perform on the platform a few days before the competition. I don’t do it on purpose of course. It just happens. For once I would like to hit the number I want to hit the weekend before I compete. Anyways take a look below if you want to see my annoyed faces.
NUTRITION
In addition to a crap lifting day, I had a crap eating day. Well more exactly, I ate all my calories by 2:30p, so as I write this I’m starving smelling my mother make her delicious spaghetti con tostones. Staying strong so far, but you can bet I’ll be going to sleep earlier today to avoid making more mistakes. I weighed in at 149.3 so I’m almost there. My carbs sit around 100g, my protein around 160g, and fats around 50g. I’m actually sated for now, it’s just the aroma of the spaghetti is nostalgic and I want so bad to eat some right now. I’d attach a picture of my face next to the spaghetti, but I fear that if I get too close, it’ll disappear…
WHAT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND?
If I can be frank, and since this is my personal journal the answer is of course yes, the answer to the above question is doubt. A lot of doubt. I hate days like today where nothing lines up. I hated it when I played baseball, I hate it more now. I’m a perfectionist. I look at my video replay and all I see is that it should have been caught. Sure some lifts the bar was more in front and those make sense that I didn’t catch, but other lifts it just doesn’t make sense. And why couldn’t I catch my jerks with my foot more forward? I thought I had moved away from that fault. I had fixed it. And it creeped back up and everything sucks.
Days like today also affect my mood. The frustration can seep everywhere. I was short with my wife, I felt like I needed to rush, I was driving angry, I was feeling irritated with everyone…
I began to think about excusing myself, too. I would say: it’s OK your emotions are human, and you need to experience them. But, it doesn’t excuse me from being a grumpy brat to my wife. I’m glad she’s developed the patience to know that when I have days like today to let me brood, let me self-reflect, provide a few encouraging words and just be there for me.
I took a nap around 4:45p and woke up a couple hours later and although a lot was going on my mind, as I write this I’m in a much better mood. At the end of the day, whether I succeed or fail, all the glory goes to God.
Thank you, Lord for humbling experiences like today. It serves as a reminder that ultimately You are in control. You are totally sovereign. I pray that today is not indicative of my performance next week and you bless me with some avenue of success. But whether I bomb out, or I am able to qualify for AO Nationals, You receive the glory. Amen.
Are you caught up yet? Or have you not even started… Well here’s Entry 1
Finished reading the first? OK here is Entry 2
If you liked 1 and 2, here comes Entry 3
Ah, my favorite number: Entry 4
