Why guys just want to lift – ALONE!
As Luke O’Neil says in his 2018 Esquire article, “No one is at the gym to talk to you.” Although he goes on to say when it comes to asking for guidance, “Most people will be happy to show you how something works—gym dudes love nothing more than mansplaining.”
But in general the unwritten but often communicated message among men at the gym is, “Shut the F up and train!” Before you embrace that attitude as gospel – the ironclad code of the gym, see what these guys below have to SAY about the input they’ve received and given. Once you see what they have to say then let’s do the details and shift from DO NOT DISTURB to ‘use me God’.
We may be told that guys, “Are busily trying to get through their hateful routines before returning home, where they can continue to not talk to anyone.” The truth is, ‘alone’ is a lonely place to be.
Brian Dobson
Owner and Founder, The Original MetroFlex Gym, Arlington, TX
“If it wasn’t for Brian, I wouldn’t be the man I am today.”, is something I’ve had said to me many times in the 34 years I’ve run the Original Metroflex Gym in Arlington, Texas. One time I had a reality show that was being filmed to try and break into mainstream TV. They interviewed probably 100 members and to my surprise and happiness nearly every person said I had made a difference in their life. They said I helped in a positive way through teaching them the hardcore way of old school training and being an example of how to train that way. They had witnessed my workouts and competitions. The gym completely changed their life from being a drug addict, alcoholic, lazy couch potato etc to actually finding Jesus in this place the most hardcore gym in America.
Before I owned a gym I pretty much completely focused on the goal I had set for my training that day. I wouldn’t talk or socialize until I was finished with the workout.
Honestly most all of the great champions I have trained were the same way. When it came to training we would do what was required to do that day and then when finished we’d talk and socialize.
I try to lead by example but now at 63 and many injuries later I’m not leading by example like I did in my 50’s much less 40’s or 30’s. That said all you can do is try and try hard, It’s my belief that God blesses pursuit.
As far as going beyond the small talk it is my belief that there are always opportunities to share the gospel [the story and hope of Jesus from the Bible]. You just need to keep your head on a swivel and believe that if you have the vision God will give the provision.
Billy Weatherall
Owner and Founder, Christ Fit Gym, Boosier City, Louisiana
One of the great things about Christ Fit Gym is the accountability. I tell the guys all the time that if they don’t want to be held accountable they can go to another gym. Proverbs says that iron sharpens iron. At Christ Fit Gym we want to focus more on our spiritual fitness. Physical fitness is important because [our physical bodies] are God’s temples but a relationship with Jesus lasts forever.
Sometimes at the gym I get so busy doing the day to day operations that i can lose sight of what God has called me to do. We have over 60 employees, two gyms, three thrift stores, a smoothie store & two moving branches.
I have to remember that it’s important to take time with people, ask them how they are, pray with them and more. Ultimately [it’s important that I] ask them if they know Jesus. My goal is to be a seed thrower for Christ. I throw the seed and where it lands is up to the individual.
God gives you what you desire most.
Thomas Hundley
Retired Army Colonel, Vice President/ Chief Operating Officer, Howard University Hospital
I remember being in the gym in Iraq working out with an Air Force Chaplain. Unlike any other man of God I had ever met, this guy was my age and he was just like any other guy. He didn’t wear his religion on his chest and he didn’t act ‘holier than though’. The truth be told, he talked more trash than any one I had ever met. His advice to me made me the leader and man I am today. He told me, “You can never get away from who you are. God made you the way you are for a reason. And it’s that person who He will use to attract the right person to you that you are required to help. So always be yourself.”
It takes courage to school someone who you are supposed to respect and revere. I remember being in the gym in Fayetteville, North Carolina and a senior ranking military officer was saying demeaning and disparaging things about women in the gym. He had an audience of impressionable minds laughing at his every quip.
But being a man with two daughters, a loving mother, and twelve aunts, I got to the point where I’d had enough. I stepped right in the middle of the conversation and said, “Sir, how about you take the focus off of those girls and focus on how you plan to get your wife to workout with you.” Needless to say, his audience stopped laughing with him and started laughing at him.
David Jack
Director, activprayer and activLAB Phoenix
When my friend Brad, the Editor of Faith & Fitness Magazine asked me to read and be open to sharing a story related to this Just Doin’ My Thing article, I read it and immediately started to go deep and spiritual on it, which isn’t a bad thing. But, I got stuck (as usual:) and had to set it down for a while.
Then the still small voice reminded me of something; it’s the little things. It’s always the little things. Done with the best heart and motives we can muster in the moment. And as I reflected on my gym experiences in the context of this article, some of my best conversations and relationships grew from the following type of seeds (from me to others and others to me).
Can I give you a spot? – Go ahead, grab some water ahead of me. – You need a towel? – Good lift bro. – You wanna work in? – You need these? – Is there a song you like? – You wanna try it? – Hey, how ya doin? – I got it (holding a door open)
And it reminded me. Just be present. Just be willing to connect and serve as you go. I think all of us who profess a faith want to introduce others to God, but for those that don’t know Him yet, the best way might be to introduce ourselves with an interest in them and their needs more than our own. Meet them where they are and simply try to make things better for them. Encourage them. See them. Then let God and His Spirit do the rest. I overthink it too often. Sometimes I try to “lift too much” or expect others to be able to lift more than they might want to (a metaphor of course:) So, back to the basics.
I need to be aware of my expectations and not miss the mission while I’m on the mission. I’m not saving anyone. God is. I’m just supposed to be willing to step into relationships and community as He leads me. He’s in us. A tiger can’t hide its stripes. They’ll see Him somehow, some way if it’s His will, because He dwells in us. So it’s just being willing to help someone, share something good, be kind and see what He does with it.
And it feels really simple, natural that way. Do things you enjoy or value with others who do as well. It’s a common thread connector, like fitness. And if someone isn’t interested in talking that’s ok too. That’s their time. Maybe another time. Maybe not. If the Spirit leads you and rests on you, tarry a while. “Stay” as long as it does. But that’s not really up to me either.
How About You?
What’s your story? Contact us and send us a couple of short paragraphs. Share about how you got input from someone within your fitness experience. Then share how you gave someone input while at they gym or working out.
FROM ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ TO ‘USE ME GOD’
So as you can see these men who have shared here are no different than you. They workout serious and hard to achieve their fitness goals. It takes commitment, persistence, focus, drive, guts, and intensity to get stronger, be more powerful and build physique. There’s no way around it and no compromise. Period! But if that’s all you get out of your fitness you’re cheating yourself from making some defining gains and truly falling short of the real glory.
We see you faithfully wearing those earbuds, looking down and being in the zone. Is that really 100% concentration or is it a convenient way to say DO NOT DISTURB? True, you’ve got a job to do and you’re there to get the job done. But, when you consistently shut others out you miss getting valuable input. Socially, emotionally and spiritually you’re like the guy who only ever trains his upper body and has pathetically puny legs. You’re out of balance.
How can anyone at the gym ever have the chance to speak up, set you straight and tell you what you need to hear in the moment. You think God only wants to help you grow when you decide to go to church? Good luck with that! God wants to use someone working out near you to help you!
And – AND, what’s more do you know how many guys working out next to you day after day, week after week are dealing with some real challenges. You ever had relationship problems, financial woes, anger, depression, sexual frustrations, career challenges, or just feel like you’re the lone guy with nobody to talk with except the conversation going on in your mind by yourself? Guess what, they’ve got the same thing going. And OK fine so you’re no saint. Who are YOU to give some dude input, offer advice or gulp … offer to pray?
Yet that’s exactly what God needs you to do. It’s how God eagerly wants to help you train and grow. But, don’t think it’s all about you. This is all about you being the simple but powerful breakthrough that some guy has not yet made. Don’t hold him back!
Hey there big tough guy – don’t be scared. For God’s sake don’t play the modesty card. Got your head bowed and looking down? Start praying with tough determination to get in the ‘use me God’ zone.
DO YOUR THING – LIFT UP GOD AND LIFT OTHERS
Shifting from a do not disturb me zoned-out attitude to having a heart to do good for God is really a transition away from a lazy selfishness to having a vision for a spiritually muscular physique. It’s not hard and it can be done in a way that actually enhances your actual physical training. Here are some tips:
- Consider creating an alter space (even if it is simply in your car before you walk into the gym) to do your own personal communion PRIOR to your workout. This helps you get in a God-focused frame of mind, which creates a better foundation on which to build your workout. AND – because you do it BEFORE you exercise you remove the excuse that it interrupts your exercise plan.
- Commit to removing your headphones or earbuds for at least some period of time. Maybe that is half way through your workout or for the entire time every third workout. This retrains your brain and attitude and opens up the possibility to being able to listen to others or have a conversation with someone. Maybe it’ll happen or maybe it won’t. This is at least a starting point for it to be possible. As Brian Dobson says, “Keep your head on a swivel.” Look and listen for opportunities to receive or give input.
- Build on common needs and interests. The most common need is the need to eat. After the workout you’re going to want to get some food. Find out where he likes to eat and go for it. Asking simple questions like, “What sports do you play, what kind of outdoor activities do you enjoy, what kind of work do you do and other similar conversation starters can lead to discovering interests. You can build on that and ultimately over time can find that leads to friendships and engagement beyond the workout.
- Invite someone you already know to workout with you. Coworkers, neighbors, relatives (parent, child, sibling, etc), church member or potential business contact for some sweatworking are just a few of the people you already know or want to get to know better.
- Volunteer to be a mentor. The need for mentors is off the charts. There are young men in the court system or they have no father or they’ve seen a counselor for depression or anxiety or they want to train for better sports performance OR you name it. Get the idea?!
ALONE SOMETIMES
Hey, this isn’t some crazy call for never going solo. Go ahead and stare at yourself in the mirror, keep your journal and log your progress, work the plan and put on the gains. BUT quit being stubborn that you are so important, your gym time is so sacred, your agenda so demanding , your time so precious that you can’t grow in the ways God will lead you. Nobody cares how ripped or chiseled you are if you can’t cut them a bit of time.
