I was reading an article recently about how a woman was not able to forgive the murderer of her teenaged daughter. As a father I wondered how I would handle something like that. Could I forgive someone who had committed such a heinous crime?
Let’s make this a bit less explosive. What about the training partner who abandoned you? What about the coach or trainer who failed you? In my context as a coach, how did I do when a rival coach stole one of my athletes?
How did Jesus deal with forgiveness?
Jesus was faced with the same basic question. Peter came to him one day (Matthew 18) and asked a question the other disciples were likely thinking about. Jesus had just discussed what to do when someone sins against you. How many times do I forgive when someone hurts me, he was asked. Jesus replied that we forgive not seven times as Peter suggested (v.21) but seventy times seven times (v.22). No, he’s not saying after you’ve done it 490 times you’re okay but rather we are to continue to forgive. He then went on to share a parable about a man who was forgiven an overwhelming amount of many. This man then turned around and persecuted someone who owed him a few dollars. The king, who had forgiven the huge amount, then put this man who hadn’t extended the same grace into prison. Jesus’ point was that God cannot forgive we who have sinned against Him if we don’t forgive those who have sinned against us. That makes sense and is perfectly logical to me.
But that’s easier said then done as I was reminded by the article.
It’s hard to forgive
It’s hard to forgive, especially when someone has hurt us deeply. It affects us and changes us. It turns us into people we don’t want to be. It’s consuming, engulfing, like a firestorm overwhelming a dry forest. We find in these thoughts though that the importance of forgiveness is revealed. Why do we forgive? We find in this passage that God demands it us of. There’s a practical reason too. What does it give? We know that if we are doing what God would have us do we have peace with him. This gives us joy even in hard circumstances. So, we forgive to find peace but also we forgive to move on. Forgiveness is a long, steady rain on the forest fire.
Learning to forgive
How do we forgive then? First off, we understand forgiveness is not forgetting. Like nails pulled out of wood that leave holes there’s a residual impact. You don’t forget. Over time the pain dulls and the hurt goes away. Yet the hole remains. But eventually the joy of the Lord fills the hole. It takes time and purposing to do. It also takes God. That’s why when we don’t forgive, we don’t share in God’s power. The result is it doesn’t get better.
Also understand that forgiveness is not condoning. To forgive does not mean that it’s “okay” or that there are no consequences to actions. Think instead this way: forgiveness is a gift, often given to those who are undeserving. It’s given to release not only the perpetrator but us as well. This gracious act frees us from the prison of unforgiveness that leads to the poison of bitterness. So yes, it’s very practical and helps us find healing and peace. But that’s not the only reason. It’s not only about us. We forgive also because as we see in the parable of Matthew 18, we are not deserving of the gift of salvation. The Bible says while we were still sinners, Christ died for the ungodly (Rom. 5:8). If this is the case, how can we do any less? What an amazing gift.
So, is there someone you need to give a gift of forgiveness to today? You may be wondering: how did I do at forgiving the rival coach who stole one of my athletes? Write me and I’ll let you know!
