When I taught at a university, I had an eye-opening experience. I always encouraged students in my personal conditioning classes to exercise more than in the twice a week class. The classes alone were not enough time to accomplish the healthy fitness they desired. I would applaud them when I saw them working out at the student recreation center. Students need this type of encouragement, especially the female students. Their lives were so full of school, jobs, and social life, that it was challenging for them to fit in time for their wellness.
Applaud others when they fit wellness into a full schedule.
This pattern of getting them to know what they were doing in the fitness facility and then encouraging them to strike out on their own was successful semester after semester until one particular semester when our campus facility was being remodeled. Stephanie, Jade, and Ashley were a group of young women from my class I’d seen consistently exercise for weeks until the renovation started. I suddenly saw them no more.
MY STUDENTS GIVE ME A COLLEGE EDUCATION
After a couple of weeks, I asked them why I had not seen them over at “The Rec”. Were they busy with classes or social life? Their response was a big surprise.
They said it was none of that. The reason they were not coming to The Rec anymore was that due to the entrance being temporarily changed they now had to walk by the floor-to-ceiling glass windows of the strength training area to get to the aerobic machine area. The guys working out were really looking at them. I told them, “Everybody looking at everybody is kind of part of the gym scene.” They made it clear that regardless, they did not like male attention in that space. They said, “they didn’t like it, not in that place and in that way”. They were not persuaded by my explanation. I made a mental note of the unusual exchange.
FROM WELLNESS TO SEXUAL WELLNESS
This was a tremendous insight for my PhD. I had started my dissertation study and thus I was talking with young women for the research. The evidence was clear that it was a challenge for them to stay fit and practice healthy nutrition in the university environment, but that their relationship lives were an even bigger challenge.
As part of the dissertation study, I had created a women’s personal conditioning class to build a female-focused wellness environment where they could feel more comfortable. I conducted 10 focus groups with 10 different classes and 32 in-depth interviews. They shared with me something they called hookup culture – the 0 to 60 impersonal encounter that often results in casual sex.
I could immediately see that this was the most threatening part of their lives and to their well-being. I thought back to Stephanie, Jade, and Ashley and understood why they reacted the way they did to the entrance change to the fitness facility. I started to realize the kind of culture these young women were living in as 21st-century college students.
Hookup culture goes against their God-given sexual nature, to look for a committed, love relationship. Instead, the culture told them that they needed to find love by having sex with many different males. As a matter of fact, the culture was emphasizing that sex should be very casual, without any emotional attachment at all.
They perceived the gym as a meat market – a place where hookup culture and casual sex were often emphasized.
The stories they shared with me about all of the heart ache and heartbreak they had experienced living that lifestyle made it clear that this postmodern campus culture is terribly wrong. I realized they were living in a kind of perpetual sexual harassment culture and had been hyper-sensitized and traumatized by any kind of aggressive male attention. They perceived the gym as a meat market and that’s why they liked our class so much— it was a safe place. This helped me better see the appeal of women only programs and facilities like Curves Inc.
“TO HELL WITH HOOKUP CULTURE”
The stories they shared and the traumas they relived were heartbreaking. The specialization of my PhD changed from overall college women’s wellness to young women’s sexual wellness. My wife and I founded the nonprofit Sex IQ to educate and raise young people’s (especially young women’s) Sex IQs and thus be able to better navigate the difficult college life phase.
I also co-authored a book on the subject called Battles of the Sexes: Raising Sexual IQ to Lower Sexual Conflict and Empower Lasting Love. I wrote this with Sarah Harris, a former student who is now a Registered Dietitian. While writing the book, one sorority woman expressed how she felt about the whole situation with the phrase “To Hell With Hookup Culture!”. I had to agree with her because that’s where I think it comes from.
I’ve spoken at universities across the country about hookup culture versus lasting romance, my passion is to speak and teach on this crucial sexual wellness topic. My message: science supports traditional courtship and marriage. Women do not have to put up with being devalued and used as sexual objects in this sexualized culture. Whether on the college campus, in the gym, or anywhere else, they must be treated respectfully and given the cultural freedom to get back to romance!
QUESTIONS FOR PERSONAL REFLECTION AND GROUP DISCUSSION
1. Do you feel the same way when you work out in mixed gender gyms? If so, why? Do you think this is common among the women’s population?
2. Why do you think some women and some men view the gym environment differently? Do you think there are sex differences built in at the biological level that have an effect? What does the Bible say about the way the opposite sexes should look at each other?
3. Are there signs of hookup culture outside of the college campus? If so, is that a positive or negative condition for post-college single people? How might apps like Tinder and Bumble affect this?
